I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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