Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
