I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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