I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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