There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
