Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
