Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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