Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
