This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
