Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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