There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
