if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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