The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
