At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't turn off my feet"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
