four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
