I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
