My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
