Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
