you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
