I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
