We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i think i have two assholes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
