I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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