Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just tell him i said nine months
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
