I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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