just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
