I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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