so explain again why im purple
no
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
