This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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