just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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