help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
