He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
