Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
