If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize