Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
