Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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