I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
