I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she looked like the before picture.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
