I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize