How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
