The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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