the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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