I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
