"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
