..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
