Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
