Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
