Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
