I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
