Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
