I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Holy shit dude........stairs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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