Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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