I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
