I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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