Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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