I think I died a long time ago.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize