well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
