those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
