that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
