thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
