you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
