When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you never un-have a 4some
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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