I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize