just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
