Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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