So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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