I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
