Where is the hickey?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
