I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
