Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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