Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
