'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
