Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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