Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
