maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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