Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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