everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
