They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
