My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
