we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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