you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No subtext here. People are naked.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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