a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
