he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
