So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
