i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
