it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize