I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
