24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Are my feet made of real feet?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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