She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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