hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was born a porn star she said
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
