Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
