morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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