So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
