I wanna passion pit in your ass
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
